Work Besties Who Podcast
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Work Besties Who Podcast
Unbreakable with Carolyn Sophia
In this powerful conversation, Carolyn Sophia Skowron opens up about her path to self-acceptance and resilience, sharing how her nonverbal learning disability and a life-altering car accident shaped her journey. She dives into the healing magic of writing, the importance of mental health, and the strength found in gratitude and positivity. Carolyn reveals how authentic connections and supportive friendships have been her lifeline, both personally and professionally, inspiring us all to embrace who we are and reach out when we need it most.
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Work Besties! Theme Song Written by Ralph Lentini @therallyband
Hi, I'm Claude and I'm Jess. We are corporate employees by day, entrepreneurs by night and work besties for life.
Jess:Join us as we explore how work besties lift each other up, laugh through the chaos and thrive together in every industry. Hi everyone, welcome back to the Work Besties who podcast. This week we have a very special guest. Her name is Carolyn Sofias. She's super passionate about self-acceptance and resilience. She's, in fact, an advocate for it.
Jess:She had this feeling of being somewhat of an outsider and she struggled a little bit with that and finding friends and fitting in. In fact, she found out early on in her schooling she was diagnosed with NVLD, which is nonverbal learning disability. She then had a very life-changing experience which, once that occurred, things in her mind shifted and she had a very different perspective. So through therapy and mindfulness, she really transformed her struggles with depression and anxiety. Today we're here to explore that journey with Carolyn and talk through how she's really overcome in an authentic way, grabbing those connections not only in her everyday life but also in the workplace, while she finds her own work besties. With that we want to say welcome, carolyn. Thank you guys so much for having me. It's great to have you on. I thought first we could kick off with talking a little bit about NBL. Would you mind giving us a little bit of background on?
Carolyn Sophia:it. So nonverbal learning disability is actually something that a lot of people don't know about, because you're highly verbal but yet you struggle with, like conceptual skills, parallel parking and parking is still a little issue for me, like spatial awareness and all of that sort of stuff is still a little issue for me, like spatial awareness and all of that sort of stuff. And it does affect you, not just in school, it's also in life. But when I was in school, I was in remedial math, I was taking all those classes and then when I found out that I had my learning disability, I actually went to boarding school for kids with learning disabilities like mine, and it was awesome because I felt like people understood, because other people had their own learning disabilities and so that was really nice to have. And it definitely also affects me in other ways, like socially, and I didn't really realize that part until like a little bit later on, because I found out when I was 16. I'm 27 now, so I'm so old, wow.
Jess:We will not say our age after you saying that it's a lot of filters right now.
Carolyn Sophia:I love that. But yeah, it definitely affected me a lot mentally as well, because unfortunately, with nonverbal learning disability, you tend to kind of misread situations sometimes and so your internalization is a lot different than most people. So, for example, someone gets rejected by a guy and they're like okay, whatever, move on. For me it's like okay, that's going to take me like two weeks to fully get over because your brain kind of processes differently. But it's not to say that we don't understand social cues, it's just a little harder.
Jess:So you process them in a different way. That makes sense. And when you were diagnosed, did that bring about any different feelings or ideas about what was going on?
Carolyn Sophia:No, it really kind of made things worse for me at the time, just because I was already experiencing anxiety and depression, and then finding out I had this on top of that. It was, um, it was like a nightmare. At first. It took me a while to really understand that this is a strength and not a weakness.
Claude:I think that's beautiful right, that you see this now as a strength and not a struggle. What was that moment when you realized that it was actually a strength?
Carolyn Sophia:I really realized that it was a strength after my car accident that I was in in 2020. Because I feel like everything shifted in my whole mind, body and soul Sounds crazy, but it was almost like I realized I was alive for a reason. I am me for a reason, like there's a reason why I might care too much or want to help people, even if I'm not helping myself, and kind of figured out that wait a second, you're also finding really what you're good at and you're really good at writing and with nonverbal learning disability, you still can do that. And so I think to me that was really the big turning point is understanding that I could still write a book with my learning disability. And once I realized that, I was like it's okay, it's just who I am and there are days.
Claude:Where, then, you were flying? Once you realize that that's it, you know you were flying.
Carolyn Sophia:Yeah, exactly. So I just try to do my best with it, and sure, there's days where I'm a little upset about it because I'm certainly internalizing a situation, but at the end of the day it's who I am and it's why my family and friends love me. So I accept it for what it is.
Claude:So you just said about your book. So what is the name of your book? So for the audience to you know.
Jess:It's called Unbreakable and do you want to talk a little bit about the?
Carolyn Sophia:book.
Jess:No, we would love to hear a little bit about it A little peek behind the scenes. Don't give it all away, though.
Carolyn Sophia:So, basically, I was in a life-threatening car accident. It shifted my whole mind, my whole perspective of life. I realized it was my second chance at life. I wanted to help people. I struggled so silently for years with anxiety, depression and self-harm and I didn't want to struggle anymore and I didn't want other people to struggle. And this car accident shifted everything. And it's not all about the car accident.
Carolyn Sophia:Unbreakable is about becoming a better version of you and just understanding that living your life as authentically as you can is the only way you're going to actually be happy. Because everyone puts on a facade Well, not everyone, but I used to put on a facade and I think that it's something a lot of people do because they're afraid to really be who they truly are. And I think that that's what definitely hurts a lot of people is because they're not living authentically them and they're not living their life to really who they are to the fullest. And I also. It's really about you know being kind, accepting yourself for who you are. You know you don't have to go out and try to look like someone else. You can be you. You know you don't need to compare yourself, because comparison is the thief of joy, and really just understanding that you can make it through these hard times. If I can make it through, you can make it through Beautiful.
Jess:So you obviously had some life-changing experience by being in that car accident. Can you give us any examples of things that maybe you shifted more immediately versus maybe you shifted later on?
Carolyn Sophia:Immediately, like I've always been close to my family, but immediately after it was like I just wanted to be with my mom. I wanted to be with my dad I mean, my sister unfortunately doesn't live at home and I was living at home at this time so I couldn't see her as often but I just wanted to be with my family and very few close best friends. And I realized that to be with my family and very few close best friends, and I realized that my relationships with them were actually such a gift and the fact that I still was able to be here and to be able to still joke around and have my people still there and people in your corner it's a really telling time where you can tell who's really there for you and who's not through like a trauma and I realized that greatly and just that whole appreciation for life just shifted. It was like something. It's like something went like a switch or something. I really you know.
Carolyn Sophia:I try to always explain it as like it was kind of just like that was the pivot. Because from there, that's when I was like I want to take this bad and I want to turn it into good, and it's turning around from the traumas and the hard times and it's about overcoming it and it's about getting out of it and it's about what you do after that really matters.
Jess:Totally yeah. I think the fact that you're able to know that what you went through was such a traumatic experience and still take the good from it is such a powerful message for people to hear, of all ages, right, not just the young. You did comment about how there were certain things that you learned about your own self from it. Did you have any additional coping mechanisms that helped you as you decide to now be this authentic self?
Carolyn Sophia:I think that really started with writing. I had no idea how much I loved writing until after the scar accident and I think that's crazy, because I writing papers and reading and stuff. I used to hate all that stuff and now I love it. Writing is so therapeutic and a healthy coping mechanism that it's not only just writing the book, but I also love music. I'll write songs Even if I don't do anything with them. It's just a way of getting my feelings out. So realizing that writing my feelings was the way for me to deal with it was something I was surprised myself.
Jess:That's really smart. Some things that they do recommend, when you are going through any type of journey or not, is journaling. Journaling, yeah, and I do think journaling. Some are better than others at journaling. Like, let's be real, your book is is amazing. I don't know that I could write a book, but I do find value in journaling and I agree with you it does help with the processing of emotions and giving yourself that time to just think three things right. It's a nice coping mechanism and sometimes, as you're writing, your mind shifts and you become a little bit less angry or upset.
Carolyn Sophia:Yeah, it's kind of weird how that happens, I love to just write down, turn it into a song or turn it into a blog post, whatever I can do to be like we're going to not be feeling like this forever and we're going to turn it around right now and write about it, because for so many years, I was so afraid of my feelings and I was afraid to say how I truly was with and with being authentically myself. I wasn't as vulnerable as I am now and I was just afraid that people were going to like touch me.
Carolyn Sophia:But after the car accident I kind of realized life is so short and we have to live every day to its fullest and we have to be kind to everyone every day, because you have no idea what anyone's going through. And really it's just about supporting each other and building a better world because, god knows, we could use a lot of love now.
Jess:Yes, so you bring up a really pertinent word there support. That's something that work besties talk about a lot, and how work besties can support you through certain things Partic Positive, negative, just being there. So while you went through this journey, did you have any type of support system? You were leaning?
Carolyn Sophia:on a very small, close group of my best friends and I know those girls have me till the day I die and I have them too.
Carolyn Sophia:And it's really special to have that too, because I really didn't have a lot of friends in high school before I went to boarding school, like I was not the popular girl, I wasn't invited to the parties, like you know, guys didn't like me, like I really just didn't fit in. These girls are the most special people in my life and so, besides them, I would say my family, but it really did come down to finding friends who were like family. And that's the really special part is finding people who want to support you when you need supported and also someone who is going to be there for you when times are rough but also is going to be your biggest cheerleader when you succeed. Because that's the thing is. I just want all of them to do as amazing as possible, because they've helped me in so many ways. They don't even know how many ways they've helped me, but you know, just to see myself in a different light and to be more positive and confident.
Jess:With having an NBLD? Is there certain things or ways that you went about finding friends? Do you have any advice, maybe for those who have?
Carolyn Sophia:Yeah, I think the biggest thing in really just anyone, it's not even just if you have nonverbal, but I think it's all about being open minded and it's about being willing to meet new people and to meet new friends.
Carolyn Sophia:People are so close to just staying in their little clique, but it's okay to step outside of that and it's okay to befriend the new person. I think that's so important because, as someone who has been the new person, I appreciate that, because I'm like okay, people actually are caring and wanting to get to know me. But it does take time and I will say it wasn't something I just developed overnight to be able to go up to like anyone and be able to befriend them. But I think that it really just comes down to the fact of being open minded and being kind. You know, just be kind, say, give a compliment to someone, just something little, because people love to you know, hear like compliments. Then they can talk about themselves, be like oh, where'd you get that? You know what it means. You never know how you're going to like make connections. You really just have to be open to it, no matter who you are.
Jess:Yeah, I think that's something we talk about a lot too. Always be open-minded. You never know who will be your next work bestie or just a bestie in general, because you can connect over so many different things. It could be as simple as a compliment to say like oh, I love your green top, but you just never know.
Carolyn Sophia:Thank you, oh yeah you're a green top.
Jess:I don't know about this one. You guys? I know I bought that one for her.
Carolyn Sophia:I love that.
Jess:It's amazing, but yeah it's something that we love to hear and foster as well. It's so important every day to show up and not just be authentic self, but to be kind to remember that everybody else is going through things as well. And how can we continue to connect? I totally agree with that. So we've heard a lot of examples of your close friends when it comes to workplace environments. Do you have any work besties as well?
Carolyn Sophia:Yes, I have an amazing, amazing friend. She has a eight-year-old daughter and I'm so thankful for that job because I met her. She's amazing and such a sweetheart. She's a single mom. She really is always putting her daughter first and is just showing up in ways for me and for her kids and it's special that we both have that relationship because we both are like well, thank God, we're out of there.
Claude:So how long ago did you meet her at your workplace and to really see that relationship that continues beyond, because we see a lot of time it goes from colleague to friends, to, to friendly co -worker and then best friend. So how long did you, did you meet her?
Carolyn Sophia:and then best friend. So how long did you did you meet her? So that was five years ago. It started where we both were miserable and we bonded over that and uh, how we really get through this and stuff. The first time I really hung out with her outside of work was with her and her daughter. We went to the pumpkin patch. It was october and I knew from that it was going to be a special relationship. Because she said to me my daughter doesn't warm up to people that well, she might take a minute and she loved me and I absolutely love her daughter. She's the cutest thing ever and it's just really special that I get to be a good role model now for her daughter, which is not something I really ever would have thought. But now it's kind of how I do think about things. I want to make sure I'm doing things that are like going to be a good role model for her.
Jess:It makes me so happy. I have an eight-year-old daughter too, and I kind of I feel like Claude does a similar thing too, where she's always trying to reach out and connect with her as well. It's definitely a special bond, so continue to foster that. I can guarantee later in life she's going to be so appreciative of that. Yeah, definitely.
Jess:So I kind of wanted to shift a little bit. I wanted to get an understanding from you because I know you go and speak to different audiences all across the US what has been the most moving while you do that?
Carolyn Sophia:It's really special every time you do it, because there's usually one person who comes up to you when they say this is so similar to my life. I feel heard I had someone come up to me once and said I tried to commit when I was seven, thank you so much for this, and that that one really, really broke my heart.
Carolyn Sophia:I was like, oh my gosh and she was only a couple years older now and that that one really, really broke my heart. I was like, oh my gosh. And she was only a couple years older now and so I was like, wow, so there can really be something every time. Which is why I love it is because it's always something new and special. When people just say I feel heard, I feel seen, I feel the same way, I don't feel like I fit in either. And just having kids be vulnerable with me even boys, because a lot of you know younger boys don't want to be vulnerable or talk.
Carolyn Sophia:But I've had a couple come up to me and be like, thank you, like, and I tell them your feelings are something you can talk about. It's okay. You don't have to try to act like you're the star football player, because everyone has mental health. It's okay to mention your feelings and talk about it and it should be normalized with boys, because everyone goes through stuff. That's just life.
Jess:Definitely. I feel like it should be normalized just in general, because there are, I think, still that a little bit of differences that are out there where people don't feel like it's something you talk about. And I do think what you bring to work is your whole being right. Everything that happens to you and your mental wellness is just as important as your physical wellness. So you do want to make sure people feel comfortable and have the space and the ability to understand and bring that to say today's just a tough day. I think that's so great that you're having those conversations at such a young age. The more we can help the younger generation, the more it just helps longer term for everybody.
Claude:What I know actually is that there is a shift with mental health. I think that was really brought more and more now it is a lot more accepted at what it used to be.
Carolyn Sophia:Yeah, therapy in general too. It's good you mentioned that. That was another kind of support for me that I totally forgot to mention. I have the best therapist ever and she has helped me so much and I'm just thankful I've had that support and guidance.
Carolyn Sophia:There was actually one point where I was really, really struggling and I was missing appointments, I wasn't taking therapy seriously, and she said to me I can't help you anymore if you can't help yourself.
Carolyn Sophia:And that really hit hard because I was like, oh my gosh, I have to stop canceling, I have to take this seriously because this is serious and I need to stop acting like my mental health is not something to be taken care of, because it does need to be taken care of. So I'm honestly really grateful for that, because she kind of helped me pivot and shift it around, and I feel like that's the biggest thing too, which I try to tell people now is like pivot from what broke you. If you went through something and it made you a terrible person, no, make that, turn you into someone who's resilient and kind and someone who knows how to get through hard times, because I think it's just like you don't fight fire with fire and I really just hope that people learn that, because we're all just trying to do the best we can and, to be honest, no one really knows what's going on. No one has it figured out, it's just the truth.
Jess:Carolyn, you definitely hit on a really pertinent comment about how every day you show up and if one day you don't show up your best, don't continue that. Turn and pivot. Figure out how to be kind, resilient, bounce back from that, learn from that and that's okay. Even if there's a number of days where you're not showing up your best, there's always an ability to pivot which is a really important lesson for people to know and continue to be reminded.
Jess:In addition to writing, we talked about therapy. Are there any other coping mechanisms or ways that you deal with anxiety or any kind of depression within the work bestie world? Sometimes they come to the work bestie to talk about it and it's always great for our work besties to have other ideas of things to help with.
Carolyn Sophia:It starts with gratitude, because we forget so many times a day I mean, at least I do like how lucky and grateful I really am for this life and for still being here. And I think if you have a job, if you have the ability to go to work, that's a blessing, because some people don't and can't have that. And so I think gratitude was a big thing that shifted my whole life, because I just look at things so differently now. I'm very content with what I have and who I have, and I think that that's so important to get to, because it's such a freeing place for your mind, and at that point you won't let yourself be jealous or anything anymore from of people, because you realize that you have all this and the only way to attract more is literally by being grateful, and I just I think that's so important with work. It's just something that we don't talk about, so true.
Claude:So I really love and I think it hits through me, you know to always, like you say, be kind, be grateful, and I think that having that shift of positivity and it's not as easy, and I think that having that shift of positivity and it's not as easy, I think it's very easy to always be negative. It's kind of the easy way out. But to really make an effort and see the positivity of it be kind makes such a big difference and I love it yeah.
Jess:Yeah, so many people can learn that. I think it's just a reframing of mine.
Carolyn Sophia:I don't know that it's the easy way.
Jess:It's just the way that most people go to, but it's not easy, I think, to be always negative. That takes effort too, no, no yes.
Claude:But I think the reminder and the shift is so pertinent, the shift is so hard. I'm sure that you cannot shift from one day to another. It's like it's really doing those coping mechanisms currently. Sophia, you're saying so, it's really I hear you?
Jess:It's karma. What you put out there is what you get back, so the more positivity you put out there the more you get back. Carly, we've talked a lot about your journey. What are you thinking about for the future? What are your hopes, whether personally, professionally, as you continue on your journey? I?
Carolyn Sophia:really hope I can have a platform, because I want to use a platform for good. I want to have a platform so I can work with brands that give back to animals and brands that give back to mental health. So I want to continue doing that, and I want to continue doing as many speaking engagements and just being as grateful and happy as I am now, because it's taken me a long time to get to this place in my life and there were times where I thought I would never be happy. And I am, and that's just by myself, not from validation from anyone else. I truly am happy because I know who I am, I know my worth and I know what I bring to the table.
Carolyn Sophia:As women, it's so easy sometimes to undermine us, even in the workplace or whatever, and not understand that we are working just as hard as men, and I think everyone should just understand we're all doing the best we can, and I really do want people to be happy too. I want to be able to provide that. A book tour would be nice, but you know there's a lot of.
Jess:I was going to say is there another book in the works? We would love to see that too. Or maybe songs?
Carolyn Sophia:No, Not right now. Songs, maybe Songs. I'm kind of working with my one friend's friend, so we'll see if I can like get some. I have one song out right now. It's a ballad. I'm gonna try to do more at some point. I'm very willing to send us that yes.
Jess:I didn't know that. That's amazing.
Carolyn Sophia:It's called Hold On and Stay and I wrote it when the pandemic started and when a lot of people were really depressed and I just wanted to have like a good song people could relay back to, because music really has helped me a lot too in my own healing journey and I think that if you can find a song that you relate to, I just I hope it can help you. Just see that like you have to stay another day.
Jess:You consistently amaze me. You're just a wonder wow, I have one last question. So those maybe that are struggling with those feelings of inadequacy or isolation, what kind of advice would you give?
Carolyn Sophia:Number one is to literally stop giving a shit excuse my French about what people think of you and about what people are going to say about you, because the second you can let that go and you can say okay, you know what, I have my people in my corner and that's all you need. Who cares what the outside? Everything else is just noise, you know. Another one I would say, too, is make sure that you're being honest with yourself.
Carolyn Sophia:If you need help, if you need to go to therapy, if you need to have a mental break, whatever it is you have to take care of your mental health first and foremost, because that is just as important as your physical health, and I think that a lot of people sometimes fail to realize that it's very easy when you're working all the time, to get caught up in that, but also, at the same time, like people deserve a chance to just have time off and to not be go, go, go all the time. So that's really the biggest one, but really more than anything, it's just understanding that you have so much more ahead than you actually realize. Keep being kind and gracious and work hard, because at the end of the day, you have to know your worth and understand. You are unbreakable.
Jess:You are unbreakable. I love that, Carolyn. All I see from you is positivity, kindness, resilience, and it's an inspiration. At one point you said it you just hope to move one person. I know you're going to move tons of people.
Claude:Yeah, you moved us.
Jess:Oh, thank you, that's so sweet. It was definitely uplifting. Thank you for what you're doing and for continuing to share this message. Mental health is important. You're putting the right spin on it and ways to have for people to feel really confident, comfortable in themselves.
Claude:And to give the support to those out. There is incredible.
Jess:And to see that you have such a tight knit support group with your, with your besties, is fantastic too.
Carolyn Sophia:Yeah.
Jess:Yeah, they can pop up anywhere, so just be kind.
Carolyn Sophia:Once you find your your besties, keep them for life.
Jess:I love that. That's a perfect way to end. Keep your work besties for life. Thank you very much Remember, whether you're swapping snacks in the break room, rescuing each other from endless meetings or just sending that perfectly timed meme. Having a work bestie is like having your own personal hype squad.
Claude:So keep lifting each other, laughing through the chaos and, of course, thriving. Until next time, stay positive, stay productive and don't forget to keep supporting each other. Work Besties.
