The Balance of Judgement and Compassion with Kyle Smith

Transform Your Mindset with Kyle Smith

In this episode of Work Besties Who, we sit down with Kyle Smith, a Clarity Consultant and the creator of NeuroLinguistic Somatic Experience (NLSE) — a powerful blend of story work and breath work designed to help you rewrite your inner narrative and manage anxiety.

Kyle shares how shifting language, practicing breath work, and developing clarity can turn mental roadblocks into opportunities for growth. We dive into practical tools to build mental fitness, reduce anxiety, and communicate more intentionally. Kyle also explains why kindness isn’t just a feeling — it’s an active, daily practice that creates ripple effects in every relationship.

✨ Key Takeaways:

• NLSE is a mindset gym for building resilience and clarity.
• Story work helps release the emotional weight of past experiences.
• Breath work is a tool for self-regulation and focus.
• Eliminating “soft talk” leads to stronger decision-making.
• Anxiety is often driven by stories we tell ourselves — and those stories can change.
• Judgment and compassion are both essential for growth and connection.
• Recognizing when it's time for change is the first step toward transformation.
• Kindness is something we embody — not just feel — and it always comes back to us.

🎧 Tune in and learn how to show up for yourself with more clarity, courage, and kindness!

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Work Besties! Theme Song Written by Ralph Lentini @therallyband

Chapters

• 0:14 Breaking Free: Meet Kyle Smith
• 7:50 Story Work vs. Breath Work Explained
• 19:14 The Four-Step Process for Emotional Release
• 30:34 Understanding Different Types of Anxiety
• 39:08 Judgment and Compassion in Relationships
• 45:36 Removing Soft Talk for Better Decisions

Transcript

Jess: 0:00

Stuck in a rut. It's time to break free. In today's episode of Work Besties who podcast, we have Kyle Smith, a clarity consultant and creator of Neuro-Lingistics Semantic Experience, nlse. He's going to reveal how the mindset, language and breathing work can unlock your true potential, ready to transform your anxiety into action and take control of your wellness. So keep listening to the very, very end to learn the game-changing tools that could change your life. Hi, I'm Claude and I'm Jess. We are Corporate Employees by Day. Welcome, kyle. We are so excited to have you on today's podcast. We thought we'd kick off with you, giving a little bit of background on who you are and what you do. Sure.

Kyle Smith: 0:48

My name is Kyle Smith and it's a neuro-linguistic somatic experience NLSE that I developed and it's an outcomes-focused practice rather than a problems-focused practice and it works as a mindset gym for mental fitness and it's a top-down approach. It's not head heavy, it involves the body and I developed it through turning my problems into my passions and going from someone I didn't like to someone I actually do like.

Claude: 1:15

And when did you really start to create this program?

Kyle Smith: 1:19

Overall, I would say probably about 10 years ago. That's when I made the decision to make different decisions, to experience a different life, because the one that I was experiencing was not one that I wanted to be in. I didn't like the character I was. So when I found myself with a clean slate where it was just open-ended, I decided that I wanted to adjust some things. That took me down a route of trying out different modalities, different practices, to see what resonated and then reject what didn't. And throughout that 10 years, the two things that I got the most leverage and bang for my buck in the results from was story work and breath work, and so I combined those two things to create Neuro Linguistic Somatic Experience NLSE those two things to create neuro-linguistic somatic experience, NLSE Interesting.

Jess: 2:08

So between those two, can you break down what the differences are and what you mean by story work versus breath work?

Kyle Smith: 2:13

Totally so. Story work is in the head and then breath work is of the body. So it's an exchange between the two. One way where we can have them as separate is we can look at our words and think about which words help us or harm us. So our words, our stories, what we say, think and write influence the way that we think and I think of words and the words that we say and think and that we write as the ethereal macronutrients of the mind. So the body is built up off of carbs, fats and proteins. The quality of those macronutrients is going to influence the quality of the body. The quality of the words that we speak is going to influence the quality of our mind. When we feed our mind quality words, we're going to have quality thoughts. When we feed our mind crap words, we're going to have crap thoughts. So story work is taking those stories and alleviating intensity or creating more meaning and joyfulness, depending on the type of story.

Kyle Smith: 3:15

And then breath work is the practice to connect. It's an active meditation. So, rather than a passive meditation where you're sitting in stillness, which, technically, you got some of that when you're doing some breathwork practices. However, when you're doing the breathwork practice, it's a different type of tempos. So whatever the practice is, there's a tempo with it. So it could be in, out, in, out, it could be slow, quick bursts, and it depends on what the person wants to experience on the other side. Why is it? They're doing the breath work. They'll pick low and slow so that they can down-regulate and they'll pick high and tight to up-regulate.

Kyle Smith: 3:51

So with the breath work, it gets us having a conversation with our body, because the breath is the language of the body.

Kyle Smith: 3:59

So when we're breathing high and tight, we're good to fight. When we're breathing low and slow, we're good to flow. And if we're good to fight when we're breathing low and slow, we're good to flow. And if we're in a spot where, let's say, we're going into a competition or a challenge, being high and tight and good to fight, that's probably in our I'm going to take out, probably that could very well be in our best interest. And if we're breathing low and slow and we're in a neutral area where we're hanging out with friends and suddenly we recognize that we're breathing high and tight, we have a dialogue take a breath in, take the breath out, down, regulate the body, and so I think of the breath work aspect, as you're going from a thermometer, where you're reacting to the internal or external stimuli, to being a thermostat where you're setting your internal temperature to your liking, so you're on Goldilocks zone through the breath. So that's how story work and breath work would be separate.

Claude: 4:56

So you're doing that breath work. For example, is it something where you do every day like a meditation, and or as well when you have this outburst of anxiety, of stress.

Kyle Smith: 5:09

That's where you start working also, doing also those breath work I would say if someone's focusing on breath work, well, if they want to get really good at it, do more of it. I think that's logical. Yeah, exactly, and so with that practice, the thing that people forget about practice is that practice is what we do in controlled environments, and so if we can control and regulate ourselves in a controlled environment, it allows us to practice for those uncontrollable circumstances where we are now testing what we have practiced downregulating. So I think of it where the way that I use it or the way that I recommend people to use it is if you want to have it as a daily practice, go ahead, because it can downregulate, upregulate and neutralize, like you can chill out pretty good and then do it as you wish. It could be five minutes, it could be 30 minutes, it could be. However, you want to experience that breathwork journey.

Claude: 6:14

I'm not sure I understood the storytelling one.

Kyle Smith: 6:18

Totally so. I'll start with stories itself. Stories are an example of stories. Would be past experiences. It could be traumas. It could be future anxieties that don't exist yet. It could be future goals that don't exist yet. It could be stories that hurt, haunt, taunt, annoy. It could be dreams. Anything that can be written down could be story work, and the reason for how the story work process goes is we're taking the stories out of the mind and we're putting it on paper or on a Google document. So we're taking it out of the infinite expanse up here and we're putting it someplace where we have a start and a finish, and it allows us to go into that story, do a four-step process to down-regulate or get unstuck, celebrate the wins and progress and then create goals and targets that we are action prone and excited to go towards.

Jess: 7:10

It's like journaling. Yeah, I'm gonna say so, kyle. Is that kind of the intent? Is, yes, journaling, but is it the intent to, like you, write the story down so you take a step back and see it in a different lens?

Kyle Smith: 7:22

and then so that, and then it goes into integrating that story rather than having it hold as an anchor. So how the story work and the breath work work together is through the four-step process that I walk people through. I'll just do it here because it'll be, it'll be fun, it'll be easy, so what it?

Kyle Smith: 7:42

looks like is starts with. So this would be the heavy version. And then there's light language games that are fun to play with as well, and it's all about exploration. There's no right or wrong. The four-step process and the way that a session usually goes is I'll do 10 to 15 minutes where we'll do a guided breathwork session to down, regulate and neutralize any feelings. So if someone's coming in where they're wound up, if they're low, if they're high, whatever they're experiencing, I know that throughout that first 10 to 15 minutes they're going to be neutral. Then let's say it's a story where it's a uh, it could be a trauma. Everyone likes everyone likes to talk about their traumas nowadays, so it'd be about their trauma.

Jess: 8:24

We all have a lot of them. That's why.

Kyle Smith: 8:27

I think we have less. I'll counter that. I think we have less. I think we believe we have more. However, in concept, however, in reality, we have less. Yeah, because that's a narrative, what we frame the world around us. A story is how we perceive the world around us. A story is how we perceive the world around us. It's a frame because when I'm working with folks, people will take multiple let's say it has a similar theme and I'm sure both of you know someone like this. I think I know a couple people like this where they date 10 different people. However, it's the exact same person. So when we have stories or experiences in our life, it can have the same theme rejection, resentment, grief, joy and then we put all those stories together and then we think it's big, when it's actually quite small, little chunks that happened as moments of time. Yeah.

Jess: 9:21

Got it. That makes sense.

Kyle Smith: 9:23

So let's say, for a trauma story, where it's being held in the body, because that's where the somatic part comes in. It's the physical body, and then there's the emotional body, the emotions, the energy in motion, emotion, that's where we hold our stories and they could flow or they can hinder flow. They work as a dam. So it could be a story. Let's see, I'll use one of my own because it'll be easier. So a story actually, I'll go with a story that I did story work and, uh, my father passed away when I was nine, so that one's pretty solid one to write down. Like I'm like, yeah, this is a juicy, freaking story. We're gonna get something from this. So the first step is to. So that would be my topic, that would be the story that would. I think it'd be more so along the lines of taunt or annoy. Nowadays there's no hurt and there's no haunt. It'd be more taunt and annoy. And I go with taunt and that's because I'm also thinking of this on the fly, because I'm just reflecting too and I would think taunt because I didn't get to learn that much about him. So that's why it'd be a taunting story, not a hurtful story, and so I would title it and write it down. So the first step title the Day my Father Passed Away, write down the story. It was at my grandparents' place, or when I was nine years old. I remember being at my grandparents' place.

Kyle Smith: 10:43

So you write the story conversationally, err on the side of more detail rather than less, and you write until you're content. You'll know when there's enough written. So that's the first part which people don't do. This part, this is what journaling usually is, where you take your thoughts and you put them down. However, people journal in the first person as if they're just talking to themselves. I am this, oh, I am that, whether it's positive or negative, I feel this, I feel that this thing was done to me Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Kyle Smith: 11:13

So when we put it as conversational, then we're writing a story and someone else could read it and it makes sense. There's like it's grammarly. It makes more sense from a grammar perspective. So that's taking it out of the head. So this you're already. In a very small percentage of individuals, they'll take their stories and put them somewhere else. And then step two this can be done solo, with another person or in a group of people, and it is to read the story out loud. The more people, the more supercharged the experience is. You'll feel it because you're sharing your heart and it's a really cool experience. And so then, in step two, as you're reading it out loud, many folks, if it's a story that's an ouchy story, they'll hold their breath in their chest and they'll try to read the story as quickly as possible because they don't want to feel the feels.

Claude: 12:00

Right.

Kyle Smith: 12:02

So sometimes so if I'm working with someone and they end up with motor mouth, I'm like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, slow it down. They're like, yeah, I don't want to slow down.

Jess: 12:12

Would you ever have somebody else read the story for them? Or you really need them to read?

Kyle Smith: 12:16

it. They have to read it because it means something to them. It doesn't mean anything to the other person. I would put different words in if I'm working with someone and that would just adjust it so that they can say it in a different way, to introduce a frame, got it? Yeah, so reading it, that's. That's the second step.

Kyle Smith: 12:34

Step three is read it 30% slower and this is to negate the speed reading on possible speed reading on step two 30% your normal rate of speech. Reading on step two 30% your normal rate of speech. So then the story would be when I was nine years old, I remember being at my grandparents' place and then so on for the rest of the story. So that's 30% my normal rate of speech. Go through that. Then we integrate the reading and the breathing. We put those together. So that's where the it comes together, where it's not just story work and breath work, it's a well hybridization of the two. And at the end of every period the occasional comma and sometimes and you insert a breath, so you maintain that same slow reading. When I was nine years old I was at my grandparents' house.

Kyle Smith: 13:20

So now, at each stage it's micro doses of exposure therapy in a controlled set and setting. And so people are confronting the thing that they were previously fearful of. They're confronting the dragon to get the gold. And so at each step, there's three questions to ask yourself. And the first one is like, after you're done a read, what feelings are coming up? Where do I feel it? In my body and on it, on a scale of one to 10, 10 being the most intense, where do I put myself? How intense does it feel? And each of those points, boom, boom, boom. You feel and you experience something different because you're pushing, you're flowing through.

Kyle Smith: 13:59

So now that story that may have in the past hurt, haunt, taunt and annoyed, that was lodged in my body. I four-stepped and allowed it to break and crack and I was able to allow that flow of energy. Sorry, busted down that dam. That happened when I was nine. That was still an anchor preventing progress in the present, like, let's say, like two decades later, probably less than that. I handled it pretty early on. So that was one where I was like when I first started story working, I was like this is a story, let's go, it was great. So that's the process and that's how the stories and the breath break down, the emotions, and that's like going to the past, and it could be used to create the future as well.

Jess: 14:47

Where did you recognize that you needed to do these two steps? How or I guess how would somebody recognize that this is something they should be coming and leveraging?

Kyle Smith: 14:56

Ooh, I got two different answers for that one. The first one I kind of asked two different questions. Yeah, I was like wait a second, that's all good. So for the first one, how I came about putting them together is because, uh, cause story work, I did learn I have a sort of a level one, level two certification for it. So I learned it from originators Mark England, really cool guy, and Mark England, Adam Chin, the Unlifted Crew, Kimberly Kesting freaking goats, and I. I recommend checking out their stuff. It's cool.

Jess: 15:27

Okay.

Kyle Smith: 15:29

Uh, so it was actually a case of uh, fafo, you know f around and find out and uh, those are the two things that stuck the with the most strength. So over that 10 years they're just molding together. And then I had a year where I was practicing it and developing it with, uh well, case studies and seeing what the right amount of time for a session is. It used to be it started as two hour sessions and it's come down to 75 minute sessions, like. So it's been pretty cool. And the second what was the second question again?

Jess: 16:03

The second question is so now you know how you came about it, but me, let's say, I have no background on this. I obviously know what storytelling is, but in a different way. How would I know or where would I have gone to recognize that this is something that I could get benefit from?

Kyle Smith: 16:19

Well, if my marketing is good enough, that's one way I would say that the way that I wrap it up and the systems that I have on the back end, it's not the systems that I'd be sharing, it's the gift wrapping, and so I focus on. If you're an individual that this is the person I speak to, if you're an individual that has a sincere desire to make change, has a curiosity towards exploration and has an openness or a willingness to test their pain, threshold and or comfort zone, then those are the three foundational points. From there then it comes down to what is the style that someone's looking for. Because the way that I frame it is my focus is autonomy. I'm cool with working with someone for a year and after a year, the goal is for them not to need me. It's to have them work with me if they so choose. They don't have to Ideally lifelong clients. That's like the idea. That's like super sweet.

Kyle Smith: 17:18

However, I don't want people dependent on me and I want people teaching it outside of me as well. So I purposefully made this so that people go from dependent dwellers to autonomous action takers. So when people have that point of I don't like or a struggle is I'm doing what other people are telling me to do and I'm not happy. I've already done everything I've been told to do and I'm about to retire and I'm not happy. And so it's when people are unclear, uncertain or stuck in something. That's when I get to come in, because it's about building up the person, the self-image, the identity.

Claude: 17:59

Is it also for someone that has anxiety or stress? So they do those that sometimes can come from, like you say, a past, a trauma. Sometimes can come from, like you say, a past, a trauma, and then to try to relieve, I don't know, to try to relieve those anxieties.

Kyle Smith: 18:15

I would go with the stories first, because what would be the anxiety from? So, let's say, could it be an anxiety of anticipation of future pain? So I am scared to do this because I'm scared to fail. So there's the thing that you're resisting and the thing that you want, and you're creating the narrative, while not even being there, about what your failure is going to be like before you get there.

Claude: 18:42

Yeah.

Kyle Smith: 18:42

So that's one form of anxiety. I would also say- it sounds like Kyle.

Jess: 18:46

In essence, like most, we've been trained that like if you have anxiety, you have all these other things. Breathing work alone will help you. But it sounds like you're saying you really need to integrate the two, otherwise you're not explaining the why before solving the how.

Kyle Smith: 19:00

Yeah, because I, because I think that it goes head first, then to the body, and so how my practice differs is that there's the body aspect, where there's the using the breath, where counseling therapies to talking heads, it's just a regurgitation of information. It's the exact same thing all the time. It doesn't go from here down. Breath work only focuses its body heavy, and I think that when it comes to our anxieties, it's not from a physical sense, it's from the stories that came before the feeling. We have to have to think the thing before the feeling. So another form of anxiety that I'd like to think of as well is it's a narrative anxiety where let's say you have a kid and you have the kid getting in line for a roller coaster and there's two different adults and the kid's saying, wow, I'm breathing really heavy, my heart's really fast. And then one of the adults, for whatever reason, is like, oh, yeah, your pupils are dilated and it's like, yeah, I'm really sweaty, I got wobbly knees. So then you have one adult say you're experiencing fear. So that kid is going to say these feelings is fear. Then you have adult number two say oh, you're experiencing excitement. They're the exact same physiological responses to a particular stimuli. It's just which narrative are we choosing to put on that point? So, is it anxiety or is it excitement? Is it fear of a future that doesn't exist, which in that case the goal would be to limit your limitations in order to reduce resistance? So then, if you limit the limitations and you reduce resistance, then there's no distraction or excuse preventing the person from going forward Because, rather than adopting the hypothetical failure, they're creating the structured focus and target and outcome.

Kyle Smith: 20:52

And then I also think there's a third type of anxiety that I think of as well, and I call this one incongruence anxiety. So this one, this one, I think, is the I think this is broadly what people experience when they're experiencing anxiety. I think it goes this one, then it goes the narrative one, where it's excitement rather than that, and then anticipation of future pain would probably be like. Second in there, it would go yeah. So this incongruence anxiety is when you say you're going to do something and you don't do it and you want to do it. There's a cognitive disconnect between what you say you're going to do and who you perceive yourself to be, cognitive disconnect between what you say you're going to do and who you perceive yourself to be. So I like to think that the worse off we feel about ourselves, the further off track we are. The more anxiety we feel, the further off track we are. If we actually stick to doing what we say we're going to do, we're not going to experience anxiety because we're going to live in alignment.

Jess: 21:46

So, Kyle, since this is about work besties, I'm curious from your perspective. I know I love all that and, like I, actually resonate very well, that was a bit of a tangent.

Kyle Smith: 21:57

That was a bit of a tangent, but I'm wondering like.

Jess: 22:01

So, some of those things and the reason I'm kind of it's like a leading question because I think I have a perspective on it too, as you're working with individuals perspective on it too, as you're working with individuals have you ever found or do you feel like there's ways you can leverage your work bestie or some type of person in your life to help say, like, this is where you're going off course, because I just, yeah, some of those things, I mean literally, you said some of those and I'm like I'm feeling it myself. So is there, yeah, I don't know, like a sign or tips or recommendations of when you hear your work bestie say this? That's when you need to remind them or have them think about doing some story.

Kyle Smith: 22:38

You know I'm going to flip the table on this one a little bit. Okay, because that was a projection, so we turn into a reflection, because we can only recognize in others what we also can see in ourselves.

Jess: 22:50

In ourselves, yeah.

Kyle Smith: 22:51

So I would start with, if the person said exactly as you said, I would say do you need to go into this work by any chance? And then I also think that because we also may know something. However, it's difficult to pull someone out or up if they're not wanting to change at that moment. So meeting them where they're at is going to be easier to encourage and inspire and create that support system or that work bestie, Because I think support is really important. Solutions are less important, because folks often know what the solution is. And then another thing is when someone else sees that you're doing the thing that you want them to do, they're going to be more inclined to do it because you also practice what you preach.

Jess: 23:46

Okay, all right, I felt that. I'm sorry. I said I felt that yeah, fair.

Kyle Smith: 23:52

When you asked the question, I felt it I'm like here we go. I was like keep it as neutral as possible.

Jess: 24:02

I think the next question I would have asked, but now it's going to turn on me what are the signs when somebody needs help and he's like do you want to flip the camera? Do you want the mirror? Do you need a mirror?

Jess: 24:17

yeah, take a pen, yeah that was beautiful and I resonated the most with, though, and I'm not sure if, um, you feel the same, but I would imagine, based on some of the memes we see out there for work besties, which there's a lot of them the whole committing to what you say you're going to do and not really following through with all of it and then the shame and guilt you feel for it.

Jess: 24:36

It's like a consistent narrative that just evolves and you feel like you can't get out of it. So I think to your point. It's like taking that step back and writing what down. Why do I?

Claude: 24:47

keep doing that. It's so questionating. Oh yeah, we talked about that too.

Kyle Smith: 24:53

I would also go with two other things on what you just said. There, too, is what is it that you're paying attention to? That works as a distraction? Eliminate them, because then that creates more space in the mind.

Jess: 25:02

What if I like doing those things you can do it.

Kyle Smith: 25:04

Well, you can do it, you can do it. I mean, you're not gonna want to, so that's gone, yeah. And then another thing too is that I think that folks because I I was actually during journaling about this the other day, I was writing this out and it's that why is it that we try to aim to do everything when we can just crush it at few things?

Jess: 25:27

so it's an expectation adjustment, it's a narrative adjustment and expectations and expectations, totally yeah, I think that's the one I always have to consistently go back to likewise same so let's change topics a little less about me perhaps.

Claude: 25:45

Claude, feel free to talk about your synchrosis no, you're good, I have plenty we'll have like I'll share.

Kyle Smith: 25:54

I'll share, uh, one other thing too, with uh supporting people too. I like. I like this thingy that uh, jordan pearson says about love, how love is a dance between judgment and compassion, because if we don't have enough judgment and too much compassion, people will continue their behavior because they're not experiencing the repercussions of judgment. If it's only judgment and no compassion, then there's no emotional component to it, and so when we have that dance between compassion, judgment and their flowing, then it sounds more like right now. Actually, I'll say I'll just go directly to you, jess, it'll just be more fun.

Jess: 26:40

Go for it.

Kyle Smith: 26:42

So this would be. It's all about intentionality and delivery as well. So, for example, jess, you're thinking way more than you really need to, and I know you can organize your thoughts.

Jess: 26:52

Thank you, so that would be that would be compassion and judgment at the same time at the same time yeah without it feeling hurtful. You feel yeah, totally, and exactly feel charged totally and another thing I do specifically in that is your point. I do feel supported, yeah yeah and it's.

Claude: 27:11

I don't know if even I feel like judgment for me judgment, it has that negative connotation maybe is it your negative connotation?

Kyle Smith: 27:18

or is it your negative connotation or is it an adopted negative connotation?

Jess: 27:22

turn the light on you. It's your turn. Just just just lit up.

Claude: 27:27

She's like yes, yes yeah, there's a lot of issues, because I do believe it doesn't have to be negative, I think.

Jess: 27:40

I think what? Because, how kyle just said it to me, it was judgment, but it was a but was it a judgment though? Yeah, because he's seeing that I'm not hitting, like I am committing to 25 things when I only need to do five. So he's saying you can organize your time better and maybe you could do all 25. Maybe you don't need to, though totally.

Kyle Smith: 28:02

However, I do understand why I think that I actually like the negative connotation to judgment, because then I think that it puts us in our best behavior. Compassion has that love, it has that admiration, appreciation, it has that support. It's consoling, and judgment allows us to have direction. It allows us to objectively observe the information and be able to say am or am not going on the direction that I want to. So I don't think it's negative. I think that there are judgy people, and I think that another thing too is when people are simply just judging to be malicious. I don't think that another thing too is when people are simply just judging to be malicious. I don't think that's cool, that doesn't fit.

Jess: 28:42

That's where I think that's why yeah it's like the difference of gossip and what do we have that like one conversation was like it's like the difference between like gossiping about people but first like venting, venting no but well, venting in general, verse like wasn't gossiping.

Jess: 28:57

Then the difference was like very fine line, right, but at the same point one was a little more negative versus one was going to actually get you to a place Like you can say to someone he was venting, you're right, you can say to someone I'm just venting, I'm not gossiping, I'm venting and therefore I'm looking for you not to answer me today but just to listen and be myself. To listen, just to listen and be myself. Yeah, it's not meant as a negative. Whatever's coming out of their mouth, they probably don't actually fully mean, they just need it to articulate it really.

Jess: 29:23

So it's almost the storytelling right like they need to frame it out once you say it out loud you then half the time we're like oh, I didn't really mean that.

Claude: 29:30

Yeah but several times also. We did say during other podcasts that you know friendship also like work, besties, besties, but friendship is you don't want a yes person. You want someone that's got it right, that time I know usually goes a yeah person. Usually I say yeah person. I like that too.

Kyle Smith: 29:49

I like I'm flowing with that, I'm finding with that right, yeah, listen, there was judgment.

Claude: 29:54

And when you told me there was judgment, no, no, no, there was judgment. And what is the other way? And I listen, see, that's what she did in the past, so it was what. But you know, so you need also, like friendship is also someone that has to give, like you know, judgment, or you know what is going on and being factual, but also with empathy. Yeah, you know and that is I what is going on and being factual, but also with empathy yeah you know, and that is I think, is I think I like that.

Jess: 30:24

That's why I like how you framed it, the judgment the passion. It's better than saying like constructive criticism, because I feel, like constructive criticism is still like a negative yeah, like you're just doing.

Jess: 30:32

I think it's like the compliment sandwich just yeah, it makes makes me think of work also yeah, everybody's in a relationship with someone to be like your work bestie is. We talk about this a lot. Sometimes we bicker just as much, if not more, than our with our significant others. So it is that balance of judgment and passion, and when we come at each other, we always sometimes come with step back because we're like but I love you.

Claude: 30:59

I'm doing this because I love you. I feel like we're in a therapy session right now.

Kyle Smith: 31:06

I'm just watching. It's good and breathing.

Claude: 31:11

You should do that awesome my goodness.

Jess: 31:16

But this is a sign that it works right now, that we've learned how we can better each other with some of these processes. Awesome, my goodness. But this is a sign that it works. Yeah, right. No, I love it Now that we've learned how we can better each other with some of these processes, which we were waiting for.

Jess: 31:25

What can we do from a work bestie, community capacity? And so we were thinking about some of the things that they most often are challenged with, and we do hear a lot about burnout, anxiety, stress, and we do hear a lot about burnout, anxiety, stress and I think you kind of hit on this already in some capacity, from the perspective of what would we be if they didn't have the means or the time to get to you. What were a couple of quick tricks they could start to do until they can find somebody like you to work with?

Kyle Smith: 31:54

The easiest thing this is a fun one it's removing soft talk. What do you mean by that? I'll tell you. So there is soft talk and there's solid talk. Soft talk is unclear, indecisive, ambiguous language. Solid talk is the opposite. It's decisive, it's clear and it makes sense. It's logically sound.

Kyle Smith: 32:19

So an example of soft talk there's soft talk words and you'll recognize many of them. An example I might make it to the party for 5pm. I could make it to the party for 5pm. I should make it to the party for 5pm. I kind of want to be at the party for 5pmm. Perhaps I'll make it to the party for 5 pm.

Kyle Smith: 32:41

So these are all soft talk words. They're unclear and ambiguous and I like to think that if you can answer, if a statement can be followed up with a question, it's not said solid enough. So we remove the soft talk. I'm going to make it to the party for 5pm. I'm not going to make it to the. I'm not going to the party and I'm undecided. I'll let you know at a later date.

Kyle Smith: 33:04

And so it creates clarity around decisions. So when we remove the soft talk, it puts us into a state to make a small decision that aligns with what we want to do so. There's no possibility of resentment, there's only the anticipation of someone else caring that we're not there. Then we have with that small decision, with those small decision makings. When we remove that soft talk, it micro doses decision making and so when we can make those small decisions, we practice small decision making. By removing that soft talk, we'll be able to train ourselves to be able to be more competent and confident in our decision making by the time we get to big decisions, because we're going to trust ourself to be able to do it.

Jess: 33:50

So it's like small and steady, but then also.

Kyle Smith: 33:53

It's slow and strong, rather than faster, to fail.

Jess: 33:56

Yeah, but it's also holding you and your work-classy accountable right, because if you're doing it, you want to balance the comment back if they're not being clear. You know, compassion slash judgment.

Kyle Smith: 34:13

Yeah, fair.

Claude: 34:14

But it's true though, because a lot of time at least you can make a decision. You tell the other person the decision right, even if you don't know. At least it's not like goosey goosey, you know, like loosey goosey.

Kyle Smith: 34:30

I dig it.

Claude: 34:31

Yeah, you know, because it is. If you don't know, it's like I do not know, but I will let you know Instead of I should be able to, I might go, you know, and it's actually, yeah, giving also accountability.

Kyle Smith: 34:45

Totally. And then people like, when people start doing it or start removing the soft talk, they'll see it in their texts very often. And then when they practice it, it happens in the brain Like when you're thinking you've removed the soft talk and you're like whoa, like if?

Claude: 35:09

something silly like should I do the laundry today?

Kyle Smith: 35:10

I remove that I can do the laundry today it feels different in the body. Yeah, and so I'm not if people want to.

Jess: 35:14

Oh yes, there you go at least you made a decision. And that feels good.

Kyle Smith: 35:20

Totally. And then you notice it around when people, when you're walking around, you could hear soft talk everywhere, because there's plenty of indecisive, ambiguous individuals.

Jess: 35:31

It's going to be like the when. Is it like where you break the glass when one person says it?

Kyle Smith: 35:36

then now you cannot notice it. Yeah, yeah, it's exactly like that.

Claude: 35:40

You'll be like and I think I really also like that you say it is going to show you as being more confident to the others.

Jess: 35:50

Yeah, you know that is by that on others and empower you. Yeah, yeah. I think that's a fantastic first step to start with. So thank you, I appreciate that.

Kyle Smith: 36:01

My pleasure.

Jess: 36:02

I'm going to use it.

Claude: 36:03

Good yeah, give her, I am going to use it, not that I'm nice Nice.

Kyle Smith: 36:07

That was good. That was good, that was awesome.

Jess: 36:16

So, kyle, for our WorkBestie community out out there, if they wanted to learn more about you and your process, how would they go about doing?

Kyle Smith: 36:24

the best resource for information would be clarityconsultantca that's my website and then to have a conversation with me. Actually, all my social media handles are the same. It's a dapper do Kyle d-a-p-P-E-R-D-U-D-E-K-Y-L-E For my fastest response time. Instagram.

Claude: 36:44

And, of course, we'll put all those links and the information on all the YouTube and Instagram, on all the posts and the reels we're going to do.

Jess: 36:54

Don't forget to subscribe and, like Kyle, do you have any parting words before we wrap up?

Kyle Smith: 37:01

Yeah, sure, I have something I like to share and it's a mantra of my own, and it's to keep up the kindness. And when I say kindness, I don't think of it as passivity, I think of it as active participation and I don't think of kindness as emotion. I believe that we recognize kindness when we see it, which means that kindness can be embodied. So if we keep up the kindness, we're just embodying it and as we bring more kindness to ourselves, it's obviously going to perpetuate outwards and we're going to receive more kindness as a transaction.

Jess: 37:37

I love it, I really love it. Yeah, it's that whole adage of what you give back, you get. What you give out, you give back tenfold totally beautiful thank you so much, kyle.

Claude: 37:48

Yeah, it was so interesting. A lot of things we can actually start doing, you know, to better ourself and please everybody you want to learn more?

Jess: 37:58

contact kyle, and thank you so much, thank you thank you I remember, whether you're swapping snacks in the break room, rescuing each other from endless meetings or just sending that perfectly timed meme. Having a work bestie is like having your own personal hype squad.

Claude: 38:17

So keep lifting each other, laughing through the chaos and, of course, thriving. Until next time, stay positive, stay productive and don't forget to keep supporting each other. Work besties.