Stop Flipping Your Lid At Work (Summer Friday Bonus)

Have you ever walked away from a difficult conversation and suddenly thought of the perfect response?

There is a reason that happens.

We loved Jennifer Prendergast’s explanation of the “flipped lid” in Episode 105 so much that we wanted to revisit it and give it more space in this Summer Friday Bonus.

Jennifer guides us through the hand model of the brain to explain what happens when stress activates our nervous system. When we “flip our lids,” we can temporarily lose access to the parts of our brains responsible for communication, logic, listening, motivation, and decision-making.

In this bonus episode, you’ll learn:

• How to build the hand model of the brain as you listen
• What happens in the brain when we feel triggered
• Why stress can show up as micromanaging, people pleasing, passive aggression, overcommitting, or checking out
• Why workplace training can be difficult to use during a stressful moment
• Why we often think of the perfect response after a conversation ends
• How two activated nervous systems can become trapped in the same conflict loop
• How nervous-system awareness can help us respond with less judgment and shame

Follow along using your own hand as Jennifer demonstrates this simple but powerful model.

To hear the complete conversation with Jennifer, listen to Episode 105, “Safety = Connection”

Learn more about Jennifer Prendergast and The Expert Talk:

https://www.theexperttalk.com/

Did you enjoy this Summer Friday Bonus? Send us your feedback and tell us which workplace topics you would like us to explore in future bonus episodes.

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Transcript

Why You Think Of Comebacks Later

Jess K 0:00

Have you ever walked away from a difficult conversation and suddenly thought of everything you should have said? There is actually a reason that happens. We loved Jennifer Pendergrass' explanation of the flipped lid so much that we wanted to revisit it and give it a little more space in the summer Friday bonus. In this deep dive, Jennifer explains what happens in our brains when stress takes over, why we can temporarily lose access to logic, communication, and decision making, and how to understand the flipped lid can really help us respond to workplace behavior with less judgment and greater awareness. You can follow along with Jennifer's hand model as you listen because this simple explanation may completely change how you understand conflict. Hi, I'm Claude. And I'm Jess.

Claude F 0:42

We are corporate employees by day, entrepreneurs by night, and work besties for life.

Jess K 0:48

Join us as we explore how work besties lift each other up, laugh through the chaos, and thrive together in every industry. Work besties.

Claude F 0:59

So how you say that we see ourselves, how does the nervous system awareness help us understand behavior at work differently?

Jennifer P 1:08

So if we can if we can get a little bit interactive for a second, and this is something that you're looking for.

Claude F 1:16

You know, read life example.

Jennifer P 1:20

We are going to do a little example together.

Build The Hand Model Brain

Jennifer P 1:22

Uh, and this is we're gonna we're gonna build what's called the hand model of the brain. And this is something that we teach in every single training that we do with every single group. We do it with kids, we do it with grown-ups, we do it with executives because it really helps to land this concept and what we're talking about. So if it is accessible to you, you know, pull out a hand and build this model of the brain with me. So our wrist is going to be our brainstem. And this is sort of right at the back of our head. This is where we kind of connect into our neck connects to our skull there. We're gonna fold our thumb over the inside of our palm, and our thumb, like we're making a number four, is gonna represent our limbic system. And our limbic system is the really, really old part of our brain. This is where all of our emotions live and memory. This is where our fight or flight responses come from. We've heard those words before. So this is that really old part of our brain. And then we're gonna fold our fingers down over top, making a little brain on the end of our hand here. And these fingers represent our prefrontal cortex. And this is the big part of our brains that we that we have as humans, where all of our executive functions live. So this is where we have communication and logic and listening and decision making and spirituality and motivation and all the things that we need and that we want to be bringing into the

What It Means To Flip Your Lid

Jennifer P 2:36

workplace. And what happens is when we get triggered, and triggered is not a bad word. It simply means something has happened that's going to send us into a different place. What happens is our fingers pop up, boom, and we are now operating. We lose access to all of that stuff that happens in our prefrontal cortex. And we have language for this, right? We will say, wow, they flew off the handle, they flipped their lid, they popped off. This language, we know what those things mean when we say them. And so when we are operating from a place with a flipped lid, we are now operating out of memory, past experiences, right? And the patterns that we use to survive and navigate those and from emotion. So this is where we're gonna start seeing emotions in the workplace. We're gonna see behaviors manifesting out of this that might look like uh micromanaging, gossiping, bullying, passive aggressiveness, um, checking out, taking constant breaks, people pleasing, over overcommitting to work, not getting things done. So when we are um when we are able to do this work and show up and ourselves and support other people in coming to work with our whole brains put together, this is where all of that training stuff lives. This is where the roadmaps live and the acronyms and the processes and the scripts and the checklists and all of these things that we learn how to run a good meeting, how to have a good feedback conversation, how to do coaching with a with a team member, all of that lives in here. So when that is missing for us or when it's missing for the other person, and now we're both coming into the conversation with our lids flipped, we don't have access to all of that great training that we've done. And so by bringing in more training, more stuff like that without having this understanding underneath it, it can actually create a lot of shame in folks, right? If we go to training and it's like, well, have the conversation. Here's your three-step process to, you know, name something. Um when we then come out with our sweaty palms and our red face and our beating heart, and it's like, why can't I just do that? What's wrong with me? And this is the question that we hear all the time, right? What's wrong with me? Why can't I just do the stuff that I've been trained to do? And so when we can understand this operating system, nervous system layer that lays underneath it, it allows us to shift that frame a little bit so that we can look at our own behavior or others with less judgment, with feeling we we feel less shame ourselves as to why I can't do this stuff. That's why, because that stuff lives here. And when we are like this, we simply don't have access to it. That's why we always think of the right thing to say when the conversation's over, right? We have a conversation with someone and oh, yeah, exactly. Right. Oh, sure. Because we weren't in a place to have access to that at in the moment. So and then you were out, right? This is how this nervous system awareness piece impacts the training that we've already done and helps us to understand sometimes now why change is not coming, right? Why two people are stuck in a loop. Because if I'm coming in to talk to you like flipped lid, and you're coming in to talk to me with a flipped lid, and I know that every time I get frustrated, you're gonna get frustrated, so I'm gonna get more, we wind up in these loops, these patterned loops from that limbic system flipped lid place.

Safety At Work And Next Steps

Jess K 6:06

We hope this deep dive helped you better understand what happens when we flip our lids and why safety and connection at work matter so much. To hear even more from Jennifer Prendergast, listen to episode 105, Safety Equals Connection, wherever you get your podcast. If you found this summer Friday bonus helpful, please like, share, and subscribe. We would also love your feedback, including what other topics you'd like us to explore in future bonus episodes. Thanks for listening, and remember, Work Besties, keep supporting each other. Remember, whether you're swapping snacks in the break room, rescuing each other from endless meetings, or just sending that perfectly timed meme. Having a work bestie is like having your own personal hype squad.

Claude F 6:47

So keep lifting each other up, laughing through the chaos, and of course, thriving. Until next time, stay positive, stay productive, and don't forget to keep supporting each other. Work besties!