Stop Waiting to Be Ready : The Confidence Trap

Have you ever stayed quiet because someone else probably knew more than you—or finished something difficult and immediately focused on what you could have done better?

In this episode, Jess and Claude unpack the confidence trap: the belief that we need to feel completely confident before we speak up, share an idea, apply for an opportunity, or take the next step. They explore how imposter syndrome can show up at work through overpreparing, comparing ourselves to others, moving the goalpost, fearing mistakes, and working harder just to prove we belong.

They also share a practical tool for challenging self-doubt: the Brag Book. By recording the win, your contribution, and the impact, you create evidence you can return to when your inner critic gets loud.

You do not have to eliminate every doubt before moving forward. Keep the evidence, let your wins count, and take one brave step.

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Transcript

The Confidence Trap Defined

Jess K 0:00

Have you ever waited to speak until you could say it perfectly? Or decided someone else probably knew more than you? Or finished something difficult and immediately focused on what you could have done better? That is the confidence trap. We think confidence has to arrive before we act. But most of the time, confidence comes after we start. So this month we're talking about confidence and imposter syndrome. How to own your value internally, even when your inner critic is trying to convince you that you do not belong.

Claude F 0:30

And when an inner critic gets loud, your work besties can remind you what is actually true. Hi, I'm Claude And I'm Jess. We are corporate employees by day, entrepreneurs by night, and work besties for life.

Jess K 0:45

Join us as we explore how work besties lift each other up, laugh through the chaos, and thrive together in every industry. Work besties! Let us start today by defining and talking about the confidence trap. Yeah, because that doesn't s that seems a bit dangerous. Yeah, almost sneaky, right? Yeah. And the confidence trap is believing that we have to feel confident before we can take any action. Yeah, before we speak in the meeting. Or apply for that position. Or share an idea. Or even ask for the opportunity.

Claude F 1:25

So it is actually, we would not be saying anything if we had to wait until we felt confident. For sure.

Jess K 1:36

It is. You don't want to keep waiting to feel more prepared, or you feel like you have to keep doing it for more certainty, more qualified, or being less nervous. Exactly.

Claude F 1:46

Because at the end, the feeling might never arrive.

Jess K 1:51

Yeah. And we never are going to have enough experience or be able to know that everything, right? You always will have an area where you'll need to learn more, but that doesn't mean that you should stop. Exactly. So let's talk about how it really is more around preparation versus being scared.

Preparation Versus Avoidance

Claude F 2:15

Yeah, but preparation and avoidance can look very similar. Yeah. And so what do you think imposter syndrome shows up?

Jess K 2:25

That's a good question.

Claude F 2:28

Well, it could be several things, right? It could be about presenting to senior leaders or assuming an accent may make people misunderstand people, right? I can attest for that. Or comparing yourself to someone else that has more confidence that is old talk. A lot of time that makes you want to replace. What about you?

Jess K 2:54

Yeah, I think you've hit on a lot of them that really ring true, especially as you kind of look around your peer set and those that you work with. A couple other ones, though, I've run across as well, or where I see it happening, is where some people feel like they have to continue to refine things. Like the work's already strong, it's really good, but they think it's still not perfect. And they're almost spinning their wheels when good is good enough. I know you sometimes walk around saying I have imposter syndrome, but not most people do. I think it's more internal where people are questioning or not voicing as much as they can because they think they they don't know it all. So sometimes it's like as simple as like, as managers, we know the person knows the answer to the question that gets brought up in a meeting and yet they're not responding. Right. Like so I I do this a lot too, where I'll teams the person or slack

How Imposter Syndrome Shows Up

Jess K 4:05

the person as the meeting is going on, be like, you know that answer, please pop pop in and comment. And you encourage them, but that's I think a confidence trap. I think they're not doing it because they don't feel confident enough to do it on their own.

Claude F 4:17

They're afraid to make a mistake or they're they don't tell you what they're thinking. They can say, I'm a fraud, so I should not be talking, right? It depends on the people. It's you know, I can talk to regular people and no problem, and I know my stuff, but then as soon as it's a bit more elevated, I'm like, oh, you know.

Jess K 4:41

Well, that's a good example of how to find ways to kind of even even it out. So when you get into those situations, you aren't thinking about it, the who you're presenting to, just the what, what what you're getting asked. Because you are you are the matter expert. And even if you don't know everything, you know more than the person asking the question. Exactly. Yeah, yeah.

Claude F 5:03

I have to say also about imposter syndrome, talking for a friend. Sometimes you're like, oh my God, I'm making that much money. That's you're working even more because you want to prove that you're not a fraud, that the salary you're making, the what you're contributing to the organization, is you know, you belong there.

Jess K 5:31

I think there are some people who maybe still do suffer imposter syndrome, but maybe aren't going to be the ones that are gonna work 10 extra hours to get something done. And that's okay. I don't think we're suggesting that. That is not the way to overcome imposter syndrome. More of that is around being comfortable with saying something and getting the feedback, right? That's my issue. I wasn't comfortable with getting the feedback. And sometimes the feedback or the response will be, you're wrong. And so what? Like I think we have to get over that, right? That's the the disconnect is a lot, a lot of people are so afraid of hearing you're wrong or it's slightly different. And you shouldn't be.

Claude F 6:17

We all walk around all day long doing things that are not don't get the state of doing it, but that's okay. And you know, in a lot of time, if you say something, sometimes if you say something that you're you think you're wrong, it might spark ideas to other things, right? It might go to another way. So, I mean, and at the end

Feedback Fear And Being Wrong

Claude F 6:40

of the day, if you're wrong, be confident in your wrongness, right? Like, oh yeah, okay, but it's true, okay.

Jess K 6:50

I messed up, big deal. So another one is um moving the goalpost. And this is one where it says, you know, I feel successful when, and yet you still continue to push the when because you still don't feel like you're never no, you're never there, you're right there, yeah.

Claude F 7:12

And also like, and also making you worked on it so you're more confident.

Jess K 7:20

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, I think it's also one where you compare your reality with someone else's polished moment. So for you and I, this is a great example where you constantly say to me, I'm a great presenter, and then you compare yourself to me. You shouldn't. Like we're different, we do different things, we provide different things. Um, and it's okay to give somebody praise for being a great presenter, thank you. Um, but at the same time, don't hold it against yourself, right?

Claude F 7:53

Yeah, that's the thing. It's like comparing yourself to someone else is a killer because it's again, you're like you're always going to have someone that is better in an area than you, which is okay, right? But you can you provide something else at the other, and maybe they do also. At the end of the day, you're your own person, and you should not compare yourself because comparing yourself is a killer, and also it's like thinking about that being not confident or discomfort means that you're unqualified, that's not the truth at all. That's horrible. You know, it's perfect perfectionism,

Perfectionism And Moving Goalposts

Claude F 8:45

you know, just the I cannot even say that word, so imagine. Um it's it's a killer because at the end, what is perfection? And who can say that something is perfect, right?

Jess K 8:58

Yeah. And so one of the things are, and this is how to figure out like not I don't know that everybody recognizes that they're aiming for per for perfectionism, right? So some of the things to think about is when you are in your work environment, do you keep revising things way too many times? Are you purposely not sharing them ahead of time because you still don't feel confident in what you have? Um, or let's say you did present it to somebody and they asked you these questions and you sit there and go, oh, I should have anticipated that question. Um, or let's be honest, I suffer from this a lot. I need help, but I don't ask for it. I just suffer until I can figure it out. So I think those are things that we're suggesting is slightly a part of imposter syndrome for sure, and ways that you should be thinking, how can I overcome or recognize that I'm doing them to stop it.

Claude F 9:56

Yeah. And it's which means at the end, it's like you keep on working and working and working and still you know that you're never good enough, right?

Jess K 10:06

Right. I mean, I did this literally just the other day. I finished some big presentation that I it took a long time to get ready, received some positive feedback, and it ended, and I immediately was like, oh, I should have added these three things. Instead of asking, is this perfect or is do I feel like it's ready? We should be asking ourselves, is it clear? Is it useful? Is it accurate or accurate enough? Is it ready enough for the next conversation? Oh, it's a good step to yourself. That you say to yourself. Yeah. What would you improve through feedback rather than more private overthinking? And once you answer yes to all those, it's good enough. Send it. Don't don't hold back, don't wait until it's at the 100%. You're probably at a 99. Yeah. The point of that was that sometimes the next step's not just another revision, it's putting it out there and letting the people see it and then moving from

Let Wins Count With Better Questions

Jess K 11:05

there. What we suggest is think about a recent win that you have had that you might have minimized, something that you know deep down really was a big success. And then think about what explanation did you give yourself for why it didn't really count. Yeah. Exactly. And then think about would you what would you give that same explanation if your work bestie said that to you? Right? Like if your work bestie had this big win and they told you, what would you say to them? It's not going to be a diminished or minimized element. I would think you'd probably be giving them huge kudos. So the point of that is just to say we usually tell ourselves these truths that are not what we say to other people, right? Especially our work bestie. And our work bestie is the best accountability partner to help you through these things. Totally. So, Claude, do you want to talk about the our idea for the Brag

The Brag Book Habit

Jess K 12:05

book? Yes.

Claude F 12:07

So we thought that Bragg book would be a great idea. What it is, it is at the end of the day, you write down all the positive things that you did. Doesn't matter if you're like an old-fashioned like me, you put it in a little book, right? Or you can do it also digitally on your OneNote, which at the end actually is going to help you to do your review at the end of the year. So, what exactly, Claude, are you recommending goes into the back book? So anything that was positive that was an issue for you. Like it can be we were talking about being um procrastinating, right? Completed the presentation, right book. You know, I led a meeting positively and I got like to your point, someone like I had great feedback, positive feedback. Um for people like you, for example, that has an issue about asking for help. One day you put you ask for help, you put it. So really something that is against what is normal on you, and that you made a special effort, just put it on your bread book.

Jess K 13:27

Right. And I think from there you would it sounds like you want to put in, yeah, the win of what happened, but then also kind of the contribution. What did you specifically do from that, right? Like I guess I asked for help and therefore I got this present presentation or project done faster or something of that nature. Um, you know, I clarified the story enough. I brought the right people together, I helped somebody um prepare that would wouldn't have been prepared. Um and then from there you'd want to put the impact. Why did it matter what occurred? You know, did the team make the decision? Was it good enough? And I didn't have to redo it. The project moved forward. All right, so why the Brag book works and why we're suggesting this to you all. Um, as we mentioned up tot, a lot of those who have imposter syndrome are dealing with self-doubt. So this book will help you with that. Whenever those self-doubt moments pop up or a memory becomes unreliable, this book is a great reference point to go back to to remember those things. It's keeping the receipts, right? And as Claude commented before, doing these doesn't just help with boosting your confidence, which we want that to, and that should be the most important reason, but it also helps you for other things too. Claude mentioned performance reviews, it helps you with job interviews, um, it helps you when you're even having conversations internally for promotions or asking for a promotion.

Claude F 15:04

Even the fact just of writing it, it ingrains in your thing.

Jess K 15:09

You're more likely to remember it for sure. For sure. And then the one that you brought up too is leverage your work bestie, tell them what you're nervous to do, and then they can help you grow through this.

One Brave Step And Close

Jess K 15:18

So here is what we want you to remember: you do not have to eliminate every doubt before you move forward, you do not have to feel completely ready. And you do not have to wait until someone else recognizes your value before you begin recognizing it in yourself. And with the breakbook, right?

Claude F 15:36

Keep the every bands. Let your wins count.

Jess K 15:43

And take one bright brave step. And when your inner critic gets loud, ask your work bestie to remind you what is true.

Claude F 15:52

And then write it down so you can start reminding yourself.

Jess K 15:57

So if this episode resonated with you, it will resonate with your work bestie who needs help, send it along to them.

Claude F 16:04

And do not forget to like, subscribe, and share. And to all the workbestie. Keep supporting each other.

Jess K 16:13

Bye. Remember whether you're swapping snacks in the break room, rescuing each other from endless meetings, or just sending that perfectly timed meme. Having a work festive is like having your own personal hype spot.

Claude F 16:27

So keep lifting each other up, laughing through the chaos, and of course, thriving. Until next time, stay positive, stay productive, and don't forget to keep supporting each other. Work Festival.